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Modernising Boy Scout movement replaces merit badges with tattoos

Be prepared for a life of celibacy In a bid to update its image, the Scouting movement has taken the radical step of replacing old-style sew-on merit badges with a far more modern system of permanent...

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Jesus has Beckham tattoo

Jesus may have been fully clothed in Leonardo Da Vinci’s iconic painting The Last Supper, but, after the masterpiece was being flown back to the Santa Maria delle Grazie, following restoration work,...

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Post-conference bender leaves Osborne with ‘spider’s web’ face tattoo

A regrettable night on the razz to celebrate the end of the Conservative Party conference has left Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne sporting a massive spider’s web tattoo on his face. The...

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Women out to get themselves that ‘Jan Moir’ look

A poll by InVogue magazine, the self-styled Qur’an of British fashion, says that an increasing number of women are keen to emulate the sensible, dowdy good looks of Daily Mail columnist and all-round...

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‘All I want for Christmas is my two big boobs’ say UK’s 9 year old girls

With the run-up-to-Christmas advertising campaigns now only a matter of days away, a recent survey has shown overwhelmingly what every 9 year old girl wants this Yuletide, bringing welcome relief to...

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Artistic Classics to be updated with tattoos

Many of the most famous works of art in history are to be permanently altered in order to attract the interest of teenagers. The move will see the adding of tattoos and piercings to priceless works of...

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Teenage girls ‘too ghastly to fantasise about’, complain ageing pervs

Britain faces a new crisis as a result of the so-called ‘ladette’ culture. For, according to a study of men in their 40s and 50s, the nation’s teenage girls are all such grotty, pie-scoffing munters...

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Wetherspoons replaces Curry Thursday with Quinoa Tuesday

Waitrose customers flocked to branches of Wetherspoon’s country-wide this week as the UK’s largest pub chain abandoned its meat products following action by the Food Standards Agency against its meat...

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